Two things of interest happened to me on Monday on my trip back from Tennessee to San Francisco. The TSA stole my chapstick, and I made my best ever speed run through the Hartsfield-Atlanta Airport.
Security in the beautiful and toothless Tri-Cities Regional Airport was surprisingly thorough. As I was boarding the flight, my carry-on was summarily searched, and the lovely TSA employee could confiscate my “gel-like” chapstick. There was a brief confrontation at the gate, while she explained that it wasn’t the “gel-like” nature of my lip balm that was the problem, but its container. Had I carried the exact same product through security in a tube, I wouldn’t have had any problems. Even more interesting, when my bag was examined in San Francisco two weeks prior (but still after the “foiled plot” in the UK), I carried the exact same tub of chapstick through security. The upshot here is that it’s really not about the “gel-like” substances, it’s about the power trip that the TSA thugs get from inconveniencing innocent travellers. Seriously, what’s the maximum chemical energy that I could have packed into a tub that holds 0.38 ounces of lip balm?
It got worse from there. My flight was delayed leaving Tri-Cities, and instead of the promised regional jet, I ended up herded onto a tiny turboprop. The upshot is that I arrived at gate D28 in Atlanta with 7 minutes to make my connection at gate A26. After running through two concourses, taking the people movers in the trans-concourse tunnels at a full-sprint, and in-general doing my best OJ Simpson impression–minus the murderous rampage bits–I arrived at my departure gate as the agent was closing the door to the plane. I made it from D28 on the tarmac to A26 in about 9 minutes. The gate agents kindly let me sneak onboard and I collapsed into my seat for the ride home.
When I finally arrived in San Francisco, it was with neither luggage, nor chapstick, but at least I made it without any kind of cavity search.
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